Learning Curve
by Blue Shoe 22
Summary: Gunn returns from Pylea and witnesses his friends reactions to the news of Buffy's death, but he has to wonder - who is Buffy? (Now complete)
1. Prologue: Return

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

PROLOGUE

Return

We walked into the Hyperion on top of the world. We'd saved the day, got Cordy back and rescued the damsel in distress – a hat-trick of good deeds. For the first time since his 'epiphany' Angel seemed relaxed, excited even, but definitely happy to be back.

So we walked in and he says 'There's no place like…' and then stops dead, mid-sentence. I look around him and there's this little redhead sittin' there in the foyer, pale and trembling. I thought she might have been a client but the way Angel and Cordy were reactin' said something else.

'It's Buffy.' Is all he says, not a question, just a flat statement but there's stuff behind it, history, emotions. 

And I just think, 'Who's Buffy?' 


	2. Chapter One: The Princess

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER ONE

The Princess

So you wanna know about Buffy, huh?

Oh yeah, Angel's upset. Buffy was like, the love of his life. They had the whole ' star-crossed lovers' thing going on, you know, the vampire with a soul in love with the Vampire Slayer. When one of them dies, it's like, angst city.

Yep. Ages ago. Got brought back to life with CPR. That's how Faith got here. You know 'one dies and another is called'. She killed him once too, sent him to hell, but he came back. I guess…I guess that she won't though.

No! I'm not upset. It's just…its Buffy! She always wins and then they celebrate and she goes back to being whiney and annoying and everyone's happy.

Oh look, now you've made my make-up run. No, I didn't hate her, well maybe I did for a while – everything bad that's ever happened to me is her fault – but that's over now, been over for a while. I mean dealing with vampires and demons and assasins, that was her job. She had the super-strength and speed and her spidey-sense thingy, I was just plain old Cordy.

The things is though, all she ever wanted was to be a normal girl. She'd go out and party at the Bronze then patrol the cemeteries and kill nastys until three in the morning and then do her homework and get ripped for falling asleep in class the next day. She went clubbing, got expelled, came back, fought with her Mom and little sister and save the world on weekends.

We had a _moment_ once. The Big Bad in town then, in senior year, was some vampire called Trip or Tick or something, and he decided he wanted to get rid of the Slayers. There was this big confusion thing though and somehow they thought that I was Faith. It was right before Homecoming dance and we were hiding in this derelict cabin out in the woods being chased by demons and German's wearing our big froofy dresses and high heels.

But Buffy was all cool, calm and collected. She had a gun or something and I had a wooden spatula and we were just sitting there waiting for someone to come and kill us.

We'd been having this fight. I supposed to tell her about year book photos but I was too self involved to even consider thinking about anyone but me so I didn't bother. She was mad and decided to beat me at my own game (as if she could have) and run for Homecoming Queen. We were stuck together in the first place because the gang had decided we needed to make up.

I think I must have been complaining or something, blaming her for it, and she just looks at me and says 'Do you think _I_ wanted this' and told me how she hadn't chosen to be the Slayer, it had chosen her, and how she had just wanted a little bit of normal and she ended up on the run from demon assassins. 

I'd never felt so small and … petty. I was such a bitch to her. I tried to make her 'normal' life hell and hadn't even bothered to think what it must have been like for her. I guess I know now. My visions, helping Angel, nearly dying once a week. I keep thinking that maybe it's karma – the Powers paying me back for being such a bitch. And now…and now I just keep thinking that I shouldn't complain, that she'd been doing this since she was fifteen and now she's dead and it's not fair.

Thanks. I needed to get that out. I think I'll just sit here and have a little cry. You're a good listener Gunn. I hope I've helped.


	3. Chapter Two: The Watcher

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER TWO

The Watcher

Buffy?

Well, I didn't know her particularly well. I was only her Watcher for a short period of time. We didn't get along exceptionally well; I thought she was rude and stubborn and far too flippant concerning her destiny, she considered me a rookie (rightly so I suppose) and she and Faith both hated me.

What you have to understand Gunn, is that I've changed a great deal since leaving Sunnydale. Being sacked by the Watcher's Council and working for Angel – I am essentially a completely different man.

What was I like? Well I think the best way to sum it up would be 'a bloody pillock' as Mr Giles so charmingly phrased it. I was an amateur, hadn't even seen a vampire until my arrival in Sunnydale. Buffy was already wary of the Watcher's Council after her Cruciatium and resented me for replacing her Watcher who I believe was very like a father to her.

Well, no. I was a prat, a stickler for the rules. I had to have everything done by the book. Buffy had made a name for herself by then for being a very unconventional Slayer. It was foolish of me to believe I could just arrive and whip her into shape and make her the perfect Slayer.

Just before I left she rejected the Watcher's Council and their rules and regulations entirely, become, for all intents and purposes, a rogue Slayer. I suppose, now that I think about it, she could have just given up – stopped slaying altogether – but I don't believe it ever occurred to her. She and her friends continued fighting evil, protecting the Hellmouth, saving lives.

For her, every battle was personal. Her friends and such, who at the time I considered a liability, added to her determination to protect the innocents. She was unflinchingly loyal and even in the most impossible situations never gave up hope. She saved the world from the ascension. She hated me and I owe her my life.

I think what I'm attempting to say is that Buffy Summers was a hero in the truest sense of the word. More so that Angel I believe, although I don't mean to belittle his own services to humanity, because she was not motivated by guilt or remorse but only by her desire to protect those around her and, although I hate to sound cliché, make the world a better place. Sometimes I think, that were it not for her this planet would not exist at this present time.

Yes. I-I think I shall make myself a cup of tea. 


	4. Chapter Three: The Slayer

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER THREE

The Slayer

I hated the bitch.

I know, and I'm sure angel's all broken up about it, which is a shame 'cos he gave me a chance and I owe him for that. Buffy never gave me a fucking chance. Her holier-than-thou 'tude shitted me. It's her fault I'me here in the first place.

Just go away.

Didn't you hear me – PISS OFF!

_Dear Guy,_

_Sorry I pulled that weird shit on you this morning when you came to visit me. My Psychiatrist (I'm a Psycho so I get one of those) says that I lash out at people when I'm hurting. I guess I'm grieving._

_When Angel comes to visit we talk about redemption. It's something we have in common, that and Buffy._

_Anyway, he told me that redemption, it's not just about saving the world (although if you can do that it's great), it's the small things because it's the small things that make you a person and it's those things that are the hardest to change._

_One of those things is forgiveness. I f you can forgive others then you're one step closer to forgiving yourself which is what redemption is all about._

_I don't think I ever fully forgave buffy for what she did to me. It was hard 'cos she didn't even know what she was doing. Just being her; being better than me, having a Mom, friends, her pretty pastel sweaters and pink little fingernails, everything about her made me feel like dirt and she didn't know, didn't care enough to figure out what she was doing to me._

_So I figured, if I'll never be as good as Buffy, I'll just be bad. I just wanted to be something, make her sit up and take notice. And she did. Took enough notice to stick a knife in my gut and shove me off a three-storey building. It took me 8 months to wake up from that coma, the one she put me in._

_Stuff happened, personal stuff that I don't really wanna go into. Waking up and seeing her again – it made me realize how much I hated myself and when we swapped bodies and I saw me from her eyes I wanted to rip my face off, pound it, break it so much that it wouldn't be me. Then I came to L.A. And ended up here._

_A couple of months ago it was my birthday. Angel didn't come but I guess he didn't know. I got this parcel. Had B's writing on it. I thought it was booby-trapped or something and it would blow up in my face. It didn't. It was a CD._

_She sent me the soundtrack to Bridget Jones's Diary and I couldn't help thinking 'bitch'. She knew I liked heavy stuff, complained about it in training enough. I looked at the song titles; 'Out of Reach', 'Respect', 'Killin' Kind', everything seemed to have a double meaning, whispered things I didn't wanna hear. But I took out the cover and read it anyway, new literature hard to get inside. I saw it. Next to the song 'Someone Like You' it had 'Sorry' and under that 'B'._

_Coupla days later Angel rocked up and told me Joyce (B's Mom) had died of a brain tumour a week ago. Her mom had just fucking died and she sent me a birthday present._

_I think I must have forgiven her then. I just wish I'd told her because now I can't and forgiveness is important. Even if I do get out of here someday, do some good, I won't be able to forgive myself until I've told her. We're sisters, her and me, under the skin. I felt it when she died and wish it could've been me instead._

_F._


	5. Chapter Four: The Host

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER FOUR

The Host

Buffy, as in Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I wish I'd got to meet the girl.

Things get around with us demons, the death of the Slayers a pretty important piece of info. How's the Brooding One?

Hmmm. He needs to get away for a while, think things through, work it out.

Not much. Saw her a few times in some readings. Usually the customer in question had a future as a shish-kebob, or at least with a few less limbs than it started with. Mean fighter, the best, you should have seen her move. Very small, very fast and very hot.

When I saw her in Angel she was…a lot of things. Laughing, crying, kissing, sleeping, talking, killing. He loved her, and she was the first thing he'd loved in, well, ever. There were some things I saw though – dark things. You know she was responsible for him losing his soul? I can see some of what he did to her, what his demon still wants to do to her and it's not pretty. 

But all that's on the periphery y'know? Hanging round the edges like the tassels on a lampshade. His quest is the centre, the bulb, but it illuminates some of the other stuff.

Sorry I can't tell you any more, but truthfully? I don't know any more.


	6. Chapter Five: The Runaway

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER 5

The Runaway

Why aren't you at work?

Yeah, he creeps me out.

He had a girlfriend? As in a _human _girlfriend?

Stop…stop. Did you say Buffy?

Oh God. She's dead.

She's the whole reason I'm here. 

I came to L.A from Sunnydale - yeah, where Cordelia's from. I knew I recognised him – Angel. I must have seen him hanging around a dozen times or something.

She saved my life.

Yeah, I know it sounds corny but it's true. It was few years ago. My parents were fighting all the time and I was just…I don't know, rebelling, finding release, but I joined this vampire club.

I _know_ it was stupid. We all wore black and hung around watching vampire movies. I must have read Dracula about fifty times. I can't believe how stupid we were. Living in Sunnydale we all knew that stuff was out there but we didn't want to belive in the reality of it. We romanticised it, called them 'the lonely ones' and stuff like that.

Then one day this guy invited some vampires to our club house slash basement thing. He had a deal with them; give them the Slayer, they'd turn him and screw the rest of us.

And she was there, telling us what you become when you're turned into a vampire, how it wasn't you, just a demon in your body but we didn't care. We were excited.

Then they came.

I was so scared. I was going to die. One of them, the leader, had me by the neck and Buffy, she grabbed his girlfriend and threatened to stake her if he didn't let us go. We all got out and I don't know what happened after that.

I ran away to L.A and she saved me again. You remember a couple of years ago when people were disappearing off the streets and there were heaps of old people showing up? She was here, a runaway like me, working in this dingy little burger place and calling herself Anne. When she found out what was going on we went to this place to stop it.

It was hell. Turns out that all the homeless kids taken off the streets were being used as slaves and in that…place, a hundred years passed and it was only a day in the normal world. We saved them though and she let me be Anne.

It's not right that she's gone. It's just…wrong. People like her shouldn't die. She's the reason I set up the shelter. When she accepted her responsibilities, no matter how heavy they were, I knew, somewhere inside of me, that there was something I could do. I couldn't save the world from demons but I could save parts of it. Every little bit counts and one small act of kindness or selflessness can change a persons life.

I should know.


	7. Chapter Six: The Vampire

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

CHAPTER SIX

The Vampire

Hello pet, I brought you some flowers. Moon flowers, only bloom at night. Like you I s'pose, I always thought you bloomed best at night.

I swear I'm getting more poofy every day. I should just move to L.A already and start gelling my hair up like a nancy boy.

No, I don't s'pose you'd find that amusing, would you luv. Never could say anything about soul boy without you getting your hackles up.

I miss you so much luv. Dawn does too. She's the only thing keeping me here really. I just drown my sorrows in alcohol instead of sunlight.

Y'know, when I was human I wanted to be a poet. You'd laugh if you were here I know, but it's the truth. I was really crap too; bloody awful actually, that's where…no, I won't tell you that, just in case you can hear me. What I'm trying to say, I think, is that I tried for years to capture emotions with words but never managed. But what I said to you on that last night – about you treating me like a man – was the truest thing I ever said and the closest I've got to poetry in a hundred and twenty years.

I love you.

I miss you.

I wish you were here. Even you hating me was better than this…nothing. I don't think you did hate me towards the end though. Came to and understanding we did.

That's all I've got with you but it's something. Strange to think I'm crying on your grave instead of dancing and having my one good day.

So long Slayer, I wish I'd been wrong.

What the hell are you doing here?

Oh put it away. I'm not going to bloody hurt you, fuckin' Army took care of that.

Never mind.

Wish I hadn't sometimes.

That's why. Now sod off and leave me be.

Okay mate, have it your way, I'll leave but if you desecrate her grave in any way I'll rip you limb from limb, and I don't make empty threats. Remember that Baldy. Pay the Slayer your respects. She deserved them.


	8. Epilogue: Return (version 2.0)

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

EPILOGUE

Return (version two)

After all that she's back. Alive again. Seems so weird since I'd only got to know her post-mortem like. I still haven't met her though and I don't know if I ever will.

Cordy and I are up on one of the higher floors of the Hyperion. She's holding Conner and looking out the window into the L.A night. We're on baby watch tonight and the handle of the axe is warm and smooth in my hand. Ain't nothing takin' this bunle od joy.

There's a roar in the street down below. A mechanical one, not a supernatural one. Cordy steps away from the window as I move towards it. Down below there's a sweet motorbike parked, all shiny silver and black leather, with two people decked out in the same on it.

The smaller one gets off the back first and I hear Cordy gasp when she takes off her helmet.

'Buffy!' she exclaims and I try to get a better look at the woman who has effected the lives of so many people. I can only see the top of her head though.

'This is not good,' says Cordy – now over the initial shock of seeing the formally dead Slayer. 'I mean, the last thing Angel needs at the moment is Buffy turning up with her latest boytoy. He has more important things to worry about.' She looks down at the baby in her arms. 'Yes he does, yes he does,' she coos at him and he gurgles away happily.

She looks out of the window again and this time she screams. Buffy's 'boytoy' has taken off his helmet, which had been covering up his bleach-white hair. 'Spike,' she shrieks and Conner starts crying and I think my eardrums are gonna burst.

'That's Spike?' I say.

I can't belive it. The vamp at Buffy's grave. The lovesick drunk who cried and left flowers. That was Spike. Spike with the arm in the box, attacking the school, Halloween nasties. I figure it has to be 'cos Cordy's running down the stairs yellin' for Angel. I follow.

When I get there everyone's gathered around Cordy whose explaining loudly that Spike is here and he's turned Buffy and now she's a vampire and they're gonna steal Conner and we're all going to die. 

Now I know that's now what's goin' on. Call it a gut feeling but the vamps feelings were real and he was tellin' the truth about not bein' able to hurt no one. I think.

I'm about to say somethin' but there's a heap of confusion goin' on around me. Running for weapons and Angel looking so unbelievably pissed off I wouldn't be surprised if he spontaneously combusted.

'Uh guys – ' I start, but then the door opens and they walk in. They're holding hands. All weapons point towards them. Buffy looks confused but that Spike guy just gets all smirky.

'Nice reception guys but I come in piece, not to sound cliché or anything,' she says and I've gotta grin. I like this girl. She's got six people aiming weapons at her and she's crackin' jokes.

'Oh yeah,' says Cordy brandishing a cross with one arm and clinging tighty to Connr with the other. 'You come in peace with Spike,' she continues, sarcasm dripping off every word, 'And don't think I'm not gonna dust you just because you used to be Buffy.'

'She's not a vampire,' Angel says but it's so close to a growl it's hard to understand.

'Oh,' says Cordy, now confused. Actually, everyone's pretty much confused about now – including me.

'Then why is she here with _him_?' She looks at them, then down at their linked hands, back to their faces, then their hands. 'Oh,' faces, '_Oh_,' hands.

The bleached bloodsucker grins, 'Peaches,' he says and I can see Angel wince, 'Heard you got an addition to the family, me an the Slayer thought we'd come down and check out the little blighter.' Angel's practically squirming and conspicuously not looking at Buffy. He's still mad though an the other vampires comments snap him out of his rage and embarrassment filled stupor.

He lunges. Buffy steps away and the two vamps clash savagely. They're growling and snarling and hurling insults about hairstyles o all things. Not that I've got much to worry about in that department.

Buffy seems totally unconcerned and is standing off to the side looking a bit out of place. Everyone else is to busy watching the brawling vampires to notice although I think Lorne might be checkin' out her aura on the sly. I walk over and it's weird. She only comes up to about my elbow and her arms look are so thin they look like they'd snap as easy as dry twigs but I know that she could pick me up and hurl me across the room.

I reach out my hands and she takes it, her grip firm. I look down into her face and she's smiling and I can kinda see what attracted Angel. There's somethin' about her.

'Hey, I'm Gunn. I've heard a lot about you.'

THE END


	9. Authors Notes

TITLE: Learning Curve

AUTHOR: Blue Shoe 22

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: General for all of Buffy up to 'The Gift' and maybe some for first and second season Angel.

SUMMARY: After his return form Pylea and the news of Buffy's death Gunn witnesses the reactions of those around him and he has to wonder – who is Buffy?

AUTHORS NOTES

I've always been interested in what other characters think of Buffy and the events surrounding her. I especially interested in minor characters (eg. Someone off the street or an old class mate) and also those characters like Gunn and Fred who have never had any actual contact with Buffy and whose perceptions of her are shaped by the attitudes of those around them. The Prologue is set immediately after 'There's no Place Like Pltz Glrb' and 'The Gift' and all the chapters are set in the three months between Buffy's death and her resurrection.

 The Epilogue is set some time after 'Dead Things' on _Buffy, _ with Buffy and Spike having resolved some of their issues, and 'Dad' on _Angel. _The two points might not actually occur at the same time if you want to be fussy but I'm allowed some artistic licence, that's what fanfiction's for.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Blue Shoe 22


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